


fuck the timeline

by evalinh



Series: time travel means you hate your life [3]
Category: Naruto
Genre: Crack, Dimension Travel, Please dont read this if you like serious stories, Time Travel, no beta we die like men, the energy of this is wtf
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-10
Updated: 2020-03-10
Packaged: 2021-03-01 01:08:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,090
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23096857
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/evalinh/pseuds/evalinh
Summary: The space-time continuum was fucked.
Relationships: Haruno Sakura & Hatake Kakashi & Uchiha Sasuke & Uzumaki Naruto, Haruno Sakura & Uchiha Sasuke, Haruno Sakura & Uchiha Sasuke & Uzumaki Naruto, Haruno Sakura/Uchiha Sasuke, Hatake Kakashi & Namikaze Minato, Hatake Kakashi & Nohara Rin & Uchiha Obito, Hatake Kakashi & Uchiha Obito, Nohara Rin & Uchiha Obito, Uchiha Sasuke & Uzumaki Naruto
Series: time travel means you hate your life [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1508513
Comments: 1
Kudos: 60





	fuck the timeline

**Author's Note:**

> My mind is so fried rn. I wrote this out of me going slowly insane during big testing time. Don't take this seriously at all, just like my other timeline fuckup fic. 
> 
> Pure crack cocaine right up in here.

The space-time continuum was fucked.

One moment, Sakura and Sasuke were preparing the house for Sarada's chunin promotion party, the next they're falling out of the sky into a training ground all too familiar. Thankfully, both of them landed on the ground on both feet. Not so thankfully, they were being stared at by four awfully familiar faces.

“Who are you?” One of the familiar faces spoke out in a demanding tone. Kakashi Hatake still covered his eye.

“Dear, please tell me I'm seeing what you're seeing. Because if I'm seeing a young Kakashi-sensei, and younger versions of us and Naruto-”

“Your eyes are not tricking you, we're in the past.” Sakura took a heavy sigh, all she wanted was a nice day, could the universe not give that to her? Kakashi's stance did not change, but his eyes did. The three figures changed their stances from defensive to surprised, but a particular Uchiha quickly resumed his stance. “I asked you once already, who are you and what are you doing here?”

“I mean might as well, you can erase their memories, right?” Sakura whispered to her husband. He shrugged.

“Depends on how we got here and how we can get back.” She sighed. Kakashi was really not having it but didn't attack as these two look very much like two of his students.

“I will ask one more time, who are you, and what are you here?” Older Sasuke took a step towards the group.

“My name is Sasuke Uchiha.” He looked over at Sakura.

“Hi, Kakashi-sensei. Sakura Haruno.” The Uchiha rolled his eyes which Sakura quickly noticed.

“Can't be too spoiler-y, we still don't know how long we're gonna be here.” She whispered. The team was taken aback by their introduction, especially the younger counterparts.

“No way…” Young Sakura murmured. She brushed a piece of her long hair with her fingers as she looked at her older counterpart’s short hair.

“Hn.” Young Sasuke, to be completely honest, was speechless. His older self was much different than what he believed he would become. 

“No way! You can't be Sakura and Sasuke, you're too old!” As usual, the young Naruto was not using his head correctly. The young Sasuke hit the back of his head.

“Idiot, they're future versions of me and Sakura. Use your brain.” Sakura sighed. It was just like yesterday that these two interacted like this, probably because it was yesterday.

“So this is what it feels like to be on the other side of Naruto's age insults, huh?” Kakashi was almost convinced.

“How do we know you're telling the truth and not lying?” That was a very good question, so they brought out their IDs. Kakashi, hesitantly, stepped up to check them. 

2 perfectly well-updated IDs from several years into the future signed by-

Hold up.

That was _his_ signature.

“If you two are who you say you are, you have a lot of explaining to do.” 

Suddenly a familiar scream came from the sky, as well as a bright orange figure with a golden-yellow head. He still adorned his Hokage attire, it was a chunin promotion day after all. He fell down safely, but it was a close call.

“Naruto, you were always the late one.” 

“I see that your IDs are not as up to date as I thought.” Sakura awkwardly giggled as she tried to force Naruto up.

“We’ve been working on it.” Sasuke snickered.

“Yeah, for the past 16 years.” Naruto got up properly and looked straight into the eyes of the younger version, but not that much younger, of his sensei.

“Wh-what's going on? Why is Kakashi-sensei so young?” Then he looked behind his sensei to see three children all looking the exact same as he and his teammates did at that age. Something clicked in his mind and he whined.

“Aww, all I wanted was to finish the paperwork for the other chunin and now I'm in the past.” Sasuke elbowed his ribs.

“Ow, what was for?” Kakashi sighed as he realized that even in the future his pupils didn't really change that much. But he could help but wonder what had changed them all.

Sasuke was the most different of them all. It was all in his eyes, much brighter and _happier_ than the Sasuke he was teaching. He still had that maturity, it stuck by him for years. 

Sakura was always the calmer of the three, she held herself up confidently and looked like she could also do that in battle. Her hair was shorter, to the horror of her younger self.

Naruto was very obviously different from his younger self, much more mature and took responsibility head-on. He became Homage, to the joy of his younger self.

Speaking of the younger version of Naruto, he stared at his older counterpart, surprised that they were even there, at all their older counterparts.

“HOLD UP A MINUTE!”

* * *

  
  


Sarada was getting back home from drinks with her friends with Boruto and Mitsuki. While the son of the snake sannin also got his promotion that day, Boruto had just come back from a month-long trip with her father, just missing the tail end exam.

“Congratulations, guys! Seriously, we should take one more celebration stop before the party! I think we should go for burgers.” He wrapped both of his arms around his teammates and Sarada brushed off his arm from her.

“No, Mama and Papa have spent all day preparing since he got back. Plus, you’re just going to make us pay for burgers because _you_ don’t have any more money.” Mitsuki nodded his head in agreeance.

“She’s right, Boruto. Don’t try to fight it, you’re still a genin.” Boruto took his arm off Mitsuki, feeling betrayed.

“Alright, fine. We’ll go to the congrats party.”

Suddenly, they were all falling. The two new chunin fell safely onto the ground, while Boruto was not as swift.

“For the guy who hung out with my dad for a straight month to help with a mission _and_ get some training, what the hell Boruto?” Boruto got up groaning, brushing off the dust on his pants.

“Shut up, Sarada.” he said embarrassed. They took a look at their surroundings, it was Konoha, but different. The buildings were completely destroyed, Hokage Rock was almost completely destroyed. Naruto’s face being the only one that had at least an inch of it left. Two figures were on Lord Seventh’s face. Faces that were awfully familiar.

There was another thing that Sarada noticed, the smoke around them wasn’t moving, she couldn’t feel any breeze, it was as if time had-

“Stopped.” Suddenly she felt a rush on her body holding onto her and her teammates, moving them away from the scene.

The figure dropped them in the forest. The three rushed their defensive poses, but the man was not alarmed. He looked so familiar, but there was no way it could've been-

“Here, I honestly thought my week couldn’t have been worse, but now you three are here. Time seems to have paused and I already lost two teammates today, so might as well not lose you three, huh?” That was definitely Boruto. The hair, the voice, it was all _physically_ him, but how he held himself, his maturity, did not line up with the Boruto Sarada and Mitsuki knew.

There was something else up with his eye. A large scar along his right eye, and to Boruto's shock, the familiar glow shined to be seen by only his eyes.

The only person more surprised than the two chunin was the young Boruto himself. He looked at this older version of himself and was afraid, he didn’t even know why. There was something about looking at a more powerful, yet injured version of himself that made him fear the day this future would come. But it was the eye that took his attention as much as the other two, he had control of the eye in the future.

“Borut- I mean, younger me, Are you okay?” Boruto snapped out of his train of fearful thought.

“Y-yeah.” The older Boruto nodded.

“Good, now let’s figure out a way to get you back to your time safely, I kinda have a fight to save whatever is left of the shinobi world.” He looked back at the destroyed village then looked back at Sarada and Mitsuki. Something in his showed how much he missed the both of them, but the situation did not call for such emotion

“God, this would be so much easier with you two to help me, but I guess we're just going to have to settle with me.”

* * *

  
  


Minato thought he had seen it all, until today. His group of genin, whom he had been considering to enter the chunin exams, were not very happy about the D-rank chor-mission they had today.

“Minato-sensei! You gotta challenge us, we don’t want to be doing the village’s chores!” whined the young Uchiha.

“Shut up, Obito!” The Hatake prodigy was really on his last nerve with Obito while Rin tried to calm the situation.

“Guys, come on it just one more of these quick little missions then after that we can start getting high-rank ones, right Sensei?” Minato was about to respond before being loudly interrupted by a loud noise that reminded him of Kushina.

“SASUKE! RASENGAN!” It was the second part that caught his attention.

“CHIDORI!” Now that was even more interesting.

“All three of you, behind me. We might be going on a bit of an impromptu mission.” Obito's face lightens up, Rin looked afraid, and Kakashi looked as serious as every other mission they had gone on, swiftly pulling out his kunai. It was a normal day, at least it was supposed to be.

Team Minato moved carefully through the dense forest that seemed to have large amounts of destruction as they got deeper in. The land began to clear out as they approached quickly to where Minato believed the fight was coming from. 

The located the area and saw two teenagers fight it out. One was in an orange and black suit with the Uzumaki clan symbol on his back, his headband said he was a Konoha nin, but no one in the group had ever seen him before. He looked awfully like the child of their Sensei and his wife, if they had one. He used moves similar to that of Minato and his old sensei.

The second man looked just like the clan symbol on the back of his shirt implied him to be, Uchiha. But he had no Konoha headband, no headband at all to assert his affiliation with a ninja village. He was more powerful than any Uchiha Minato had ever seen fight, moves that were strikingly familiar.

“I'm guessing you were disrupted by this, I really apologize, sensei.” There was suddenly a man that had a striking resemblance to his prodigy student, white hair, and the mask. Kakashi himself was surprised as well, this man looked almost exactly like him but just older. 

“Yeah, really sorry for the inconvenience. They can get a little carried away and don’t really notice when things go completely wrong until it’s a little late.” There was a girl with pink hair next to him that actually looked more apologetic than the older Kakashi did.

“Wh-ho-” The older Kakashi cut him off.

“We can ask questions later, but for right now we need to detain the Uchiha and the Uzumaki back to health. Or something like that, we’ve been having a little bit of difficulty doing that first part for a year now.” The older Kakashi pulled up the tilted headband that covered his left eye to reveal a sharingan, to the major surprise to both Obito and the younger Kakashi. Kakashi looked at Obito and Rin, something about his looks showed he missed them.

The young blond noticed Minato in the bushes and paused, giving time for the Uchiha to attack. Minato ran to the rescue and pushed Naruto down before either of them could be hit fatally. Sasuke fell to the ground and immediately got up, but noticed the striking similarities between this stranger and his ex-teammate. Sasuke was pinned to the ground by the stranger as he was still in shock.

“Get off me!” Minato could feel this guy was not going to stay down for very long but kept calm.

“Naruto-” The older Kakashi put his weapons back to his pockets and he addressed the blond whose name was apparently Naruto.”-I would really like for you and Sasuke to not kill each other for the time being, because right now we have some certain guest helping us right now.” The older Kakashi points to Minato.

“Naruto, meet your father.” Minato's eyes widen just as big as Naruto's.

“But I thought he-”

“Use your brain, if you need some help there's a younger version of me right over there.” Kakashi pointed to his younger self, who lowered his weapon.

“Wait, _we're that far_ into the past?” The pink-haired girl came out of the bushes with the genin.

“Yeah, and if you two want to finish your fight, we're going to have to figure something out before we completely ruin our existence.”

“A world without either of you is a better world.” The Uchiha grumbled from the ground. His two ex-teammates sighed in disappointment. Obito shivered as this man talked, how could he be related to this jackass? Then he quickly realized that this was how most of the people in his clan were like.

“Sasuke, your existence will probably be erased too so please comply with these conditions.” He growled at Sakura's calm order.

“Why the hell would I listen to your annoying ass?” She looked over to Naruto shrugging her shoulders.

“And here I thought we could put at least an inch of sense into him.” Minato and his team were still in shock, these people came from the future and what the hell is wrong with it? Minato felt his full sense of shock as he looked at the man the older Kakashi said was his son, what happened to him if Naruto had that reaction to looking at Minato?

Minato thought he had seen it all. 

Apparently not.

Because the second he thought that, the world became black and several other groups appeared.

* * *

  
  


"Hold up! So you-" Genin Naruto pointed at Teen Naruto. "-and you-" He pointed at Adult Naruto. "Are BOTH me in the future?"

"Yes, we are." Adult Naruto answered calmly.

"Wait, what?" Teen Naruto was as utterly confused as his child self.

"This is an awfully confusing day, and Sakura did I always look that awful?" Adult Sasuke pointed at the beaten up Teen Sasuke.

"Sasuke, you wear ponchos now, you downgraded." 

Teen and child Sakura and Sasuke were even more confused at how their older selves could hold such a normal conversation. Child Sakura was also weirded out by how Teen Sasuke looked.

Young Team Konohamaru was still holding in front of the older Boruto, all trying to comprehend what the hell was going on. Two more people appeared, an older Sarada and Mitsuki were all beaten up and not in the best condition.

But they were alive and that's all that mattered to older Boruto.

"Hey! Guys!" The two, as confused as anyone else were in this...room? Dimension? They looked upon their other teammate and ran towards him in a big hug.

"Oh my god I thought you were dead!"

"I thought you were dead!"

Their younger selves just backed up and went to what were definitely the adults from their time.

"Old man, what is going on?"

"I don't know! This is just all really weird.

"Wait! I have a kid?"

Meanwhile, Team Minato were all having giant headaches of what the hell was happening.

"Too...many...time skips...brain...can't comprehend." Obito was curled up on the floor trying to understand as Rin and Minato tried to comfort him. Kakashi on the other hand was having a staring contest with the other Kakashis. They thought it was just because of how he was as a child, but really he was trying to figure out how the two older Kakashis differed in age.

Suddenly a sharp, bright shine came to the center of the darkness of all this confusion. The lights faded to show...another Sakura. This time, it was a version of her no one had ever seen before. She looked far more ethereal, wearing a flowy, silk gown. 

Even though she was dressed for the part of some type of goddess, she slumped immediately after all the light faded, either showing the deep dark circles under her eyes.

"Hi, everyone. As we can guess, I am Sakura. The same one as the other 3 versions of me-Hi, by the way." She waved to the other 3 versions of her who all awkwardly waved back.

"Anyways, to just get to the gist, I fucked up the space-time continuum so that kind of explains why so many people were sent to different parts of time. Apparently, when you punch the ground out of frustration in a timeless dimension, it cracks a bunch of holes in time itself. That was neat and inconvenient." She mumbled that last part, unsure if everyone had heard it.

"So anyways, Naruto and Sasuke are back at the break fixing things up. Hopefully, if they disconnected from a certain date like I told them to, everyone should be back to their normal timeline without remembering what happened here. Makes sense?"

"Everything you said makes less sense than how we all are in the same place." Younger Sakura spoke up to tell what everyone else was thinking.

"Look, I don't have the brainpower to really explain everything in detail from the beginning, I've already used my brain power to show to the time council that I'm not an illegal time traveler, WHICH IS A WHOLE THING ON ITS OWN, so just fill in the gaps with whatever you want. You'll all forget this anyway, so really understanding it doesn't matter anymore." Although her outfit was ethereal, she was obviously extremely tired. The dark circles under her eyes were very dark and she looked like she needed at least a year of pure self-care.

"Right now, you are all in a timeless holding space. This is technically my office but I haven't gotten around to decorating because of the whole court case, so sorry about the emptiness." Everyone was more confused with every word that came out of her mouth. They didn't really know what she was talking about in the first place.

"What do you even do?" Youngest Naruto spoke out. He was getting very fed up with how confusing she was- no, he was fed up with how confusing this entire situation was.

Sakura looked down at her watch and sighed. "As it seems the guys are taking way too long, I'll give my rundown. About 1500 lifetimes ago, more or less I stopped counting at 169, I made a deal with a time spirit. It was a bad idea because apparently the deal was illegal according to the time council. So, I got chased down by assassins for, like, 1000 lifetimes before getting caught."

"Then how do you have an office?"

"Well, after being chased down, I had to present myself to the council, boring court stuff, and now I am a time worker as my punishment."

"Why were we chosen? I mean, minus the Sakuras because we already know why…"

"Well, actually I didn't have to take them, because of me they are forever stuck in the loop."

"Wait, what?" All three Sakuras were shocked, possibly even more confused as if that were possible.

"Yeah..spoilers? I guess? I took everyone here away because I didn't want to damage any key parts of the timeline. The events you were all in are pretty flexible in the main timeline, they are subject to change more than other events. Everything else tends to stay pretty standard."

"So you control the timeline." The younger Kakashi said. Even though he was young, he was still pretty intimidating.

"Not exactly. My job is just to make other timelines from the alpha timeline, your timeline. I could explain this all to you but the boys should be done just about-"She looked at her watch for a quick moment and suddenly a very tired Naruto appeared. This new version of Naruto was dressed in a fancy button up shirt and tie, but looked a bit more rugged and like he did most of the heavy work. His shirt was untucked, his hair was messier than usual, and his dark circles didn't help.

I guess by now you could tell that this version of them didn't sleep very often.

"Sakura, I'm not asking for any lifetimes, I just need a bed in the office so I can sleep."

"Before I make any deals about your breaks, let's just deal with what's in front of us and then you will get 7 lifetimes AND I'll have bed put in your offices."

"Yes!"

"But-"

"Boo!"

"You will both have to take care of the module on your own while I'm on my 8 lifetime break."

"Hey! Pieces of a timeline you guys broke!" A younger Sakura was frantically waving her hands. She couldn't take it anymore, one minute she's admiring her crush the next she's afraid of him.

"You see, she's catching on. Also, where the hell is Sasuke?"

"Time council caught him and put him in jail for 2 lifetimes. Apparently something he said in the testimonies was illegal, it was about damn time someone threw his ass in a prison."

_[“Holy shit, Sasuke never got thrown into prison until now?” Teen Sakura scratched her head._

_“You’d think in some universe it would happen, you wouldn’t think it would take thousands of lifetimes.” Kakashi looked at all three of the Sasukes, all but one looked incredibly offended._

_“Is this supposed to be some offence to me or…” Genin Sasuke crossed his arms._

_“Believe me, genin me, my ass should’ve thrown into prison a long time ago.”]_

"I would agree with you but this is probably the most inconvenient time for that. I need him to erase their memories."

"Can't you already do that?"

"Yeah! But it's a team effort I had planned. I take them here, Sasuke erases their memories, and you take them back. But now that Mr.Criminal isn't here, he has practically bailed on our group project."

"Like Life #1513! When Sasuke bailed on our project because he wanted to be a rock musician?"

"Exactly!"

"Hello! People who don't have a clue of what you're talking about waiting to go home!" Everyone was waving to get their attention before they looked back at them. Everyone was really getting sick of not knowing what is going on.

"Damn, you even brought apocalypse Boruto?" 

"They were the closest to the crack, I just brought them since they were all at risk."

"Now, about the beds-"

"I am not getting you waterbeds if that's what you're asking."

"DAMMIT!" Naruto frowned and frumped onto the ground.

"Okay, let's make sure you never remember this." She snapped her fingers and suddenly everyone in that room, except for her and Naruto, had gone blank. They all went silent, their eyes had no light in them. Sakura shivered looking at them.

"Damn, I hate doing this sometimes. They just look so damn creepy!"

"I'll send them home before we get into more trouble." With a snap of his fingers, one by one, the group disappeared from the room back to the original timeline. Peace was finally restored...for now at least.

Sakura stared into the darkness where her past and the past before that had stood just seconds ago. She looked contemplative, something was on her mind and Naruto had no clue what.

"What's up with you? Getting a little nostalgic about an alpha timeline?" 

She shook her head, "No. I was thinking on whether we should bail Sasuke out or leave him there. Bailing him would make working a lot easier for a little while, it's also the friendly thing to do. But leaving him there-"

"Will be absolutely hilarious when he comes back and asks why we didn't bail him out. Then we can finally tell him that he deserved it."

She grinned at him and shot finger guns, "You read my mind way too well sometimes."

**Author's Note:**

> I'm so sorry for anyone who read this all through. This whole fic is pure insanity and the entire time I was like Obito at times.
> 
> "Too...many...time skips...brain...can't comprehend."
> 
> [EDIT MAY 29, 2020] I just realized that some of you might not have understood that, so I'll give you an explanation. Essentially, Team 7 time traveled and the people in charge of time didn't really like that and tried to stop them before they could travel again. The problem was that they were stuck in a loop, each loop had something different like how fanfiction diverges from the canon. This whole fic was an outlook on how weird it would be if the crew was self-aware of how fanfiction worked(aka the references to musician!Sasuke and them reacting to the fact that people forget that Sasuke should be in prison).


End file.
